The Dream of a Ridiculous Man

Book excerpt: The story opens with a self-description of the first-person narrator, a man who labels himself "a ridiculous man." He believes that he recognizes, both in himself and in reality, that there is nothing that truly exists, or at least has any kind of coherent meaning. This revelation has rendered him hopeless, preoccupied, and yet never occupied with anything at all. He has decided that he wants to shoot himself, but he can never really bring himself to do it - it never seems like the right time.One day, he decides that night will be the night he shoots himself. On the way home, however, he has an encounter that leaves him perturbed and questioning his newfound resolution: he runs into a young girl who can't find her mother and who asks him for help. Irritated, he brushes her off, and when she doesn't leave immediately he begins shouting and stamping at her until she runs off, crying. That event wasn't worrying in itself, but the narrator starts to feel guilty about his actions, which concerns him: if there's no meaning, no one matters, so why should he feel guilty about being selfish?