The Canadian Book of Snobs

Book excerpt: Are you a snob? Then why not learn to do it right? Study this revolutionary work and become a Canadian Snob of Distinction! Victoria Branden has traced the history of Snobbery from its pre-human roots to our own era, in our own country, and has enunciated the definitive Theory of Snobbery. She examines its evolution from its crude beginnings to its present confused state, with detailed study of the most important types of snobbery, distinguishing Goodsnobs from Badsnobs, experts from fumbling amateurs. Snobbery has influenced history at least as much as the invention of the wheel or the printing press, which were probably actually inspired by snob instincts. Always staunchly patriotic, Ms. Branden has given particular attention to Canadian Snobs, who have been until this time gravely neglected in both life and literature, and has provided Canadian Snobmodels by which we can be guided to higher and better levels of Snobbery. She finds a certain lack of professionalism among Canadian Snobs: Snobbery is not acknowledged as an Olympic contender, and has received no recognition in this year's "black budget." So there is much to be done, urgently! Branden has thoughtfully provided Snobexercises (video later) by which you can develop Snobmuscle. Careful study, with diligent practice and iron self-discipline, will help you to achieve great heights of Snob-expertise, using techniques and materials particularly suited to the Canadian climate and social mores. Other how-to books claim to "make it easy" to succeed. We do not. Achieving Snob-distinction is hard, gruelling, and incessant work - but the rewards are incalculable. Any jerk can be a snob, and usually is. But to be a truly Great Snob, an upper-case Snob, a Snob who will go down in history like Beau Brummell or Oscar Wilde ah, that is attainable only by the few.