Serious Grownup Sh*t

Book excerpt: After a lifetime of bad decisions, job after job, excessive indulgence in drugs and booze, a massive accumulation of debt and a couple of unwanted divorces, none of which were his fault of course, bestselling author and comedian, Dr. Brandon Day has lots to share with his readers. But those listeners need to prepare for a bucket-load of barely credible, sometimes shocking experiences delivered with an earful of expletives, a bottomless pit of clever analogies, lots of self-deprecation, a good measure of sarcasm and lots of tongue-in-cheek humor. Dr. Brandon Day has elected to laugh at his messy life can be, and he invites us to laugh along with him. Though circumstances differ, many of us will see ourselves in Dr. Brandon. He connects with us, draws us in, and leaves us thinking about the many issues, political, social and cultural, that he addresses ever so subtly, and sometimes like a brick over the head! Are you ready for an outrageous, often irreverent read. Brace yourself! I always hated being an adult. I resented the idea of being so caught up in all of that silly grown-up stuff like forgetting to pay my bills, finding socks that matched, and lying about why I was late for work everyday that I lost sight of everything that ever made me happy as a child. I gave up on popping wheelies. I stopped ding-dong ditching the crazy old cat lady who lived down the street I didn't even think spitballs or really loud farts were as funny as they used to be, and I hadn't drawn a dick on a school desk or a bathroom stall in years. Heck, I couldn't even remember the last time I threw an underaged drinking party at my parent's house when they weren't home, or when I had sex with a sixteen-year-old girl in the back seat of my mom's car. By my 40th birthday, I was completely broken, and just a shell of that spry boy who left the loudest farts in the 5th grade. It was sometime after I graduated college when I realized that I needed to find a fucking job and move the hell out so I could start paying my own goddamn bills already. At least that's what my parents were always telling me. What my parents didn't understand was that I was a Psychology major, and we Psychology majors, well we don't do stuff like get good jobs or move out of our parent's house. With a shitty college major, and not enough charm or good looks to enter the lucrative world of pharmaceutical sales like my mom and dad wanted me to, it looked like I was destined to smoke pot all day and live with my parents forever. But, with a little luck and a lot of white privilege, my life is finally on the right track. I healed the damaged relationship with my father, even though he could be a real dick sometimes. I also awakened my inner child. Now I am the same fun-loving, happy-go-lucky kid who used to masturbate five times a day and played with matches. I have dental insurance, an amicable divorce, and two kids who aren't in therapy yet. I am even back to drawing dicks on people's stuff at work again. Let's just say my life turned out exactly as God had planned. Hide Long Description