Notes of a Tourist on Planet Earth

Book excerpt: Notes of a Tourist on Planet Earth Some questions haunt humanity on a daily basis, or at the very least make it scratch its collective head. Why shouldn’t one wear black? Who is the emitting the most greenhouse gases? What hybrids could result from genetic engineering, and what kind of secret life does ethanol have? How can one sound halfway intelligent at an art gallery or survive a poetry open mic? Most importantly of all, who do you have to please to get a table at that restaurant everybody’s talking it? In NOTES OF A TOURIST ON PLANET EARTH, seasoned traveler and award-winning writer J.D. Smith answers these questions and more, many more, in stories, lists, poems and essays, along with pieces that no category could hope to contain without undergoing elective surgery. Based on research in world capitals, the bars of eight time zones and a distressing number of degree programs, this collection combines wit and erudition in ways that will make Woody Allen and Roy Blount, Jr. hear footsteps-and have Rachael Ray taking a long, hard look at herself.