Making Up with Mom

Book excerpt: Young women today have infinitely more options than their mothers and grandmothers did decades ago. "Should I become a doctor, a writer, or a stay-at-home mom?" "Should I get married or live with my boyfriend?" "Do I want children?" Women in their twenties, thirties, and forties today are wrestling with life-altering decisions about work and family—and they need all the support they can get. But the very person whose support they crave most—their mother—often can't get on board, and a rift is created between the two generations, even for women who have always had a strong relationship. A mother's simple question, like "How can you trust a nanny to watch your children all day?" can bring her poised, accomplished CEO daughter to tears, or provoke a nasty response more suitable to a surly teenager than a leader of industry. Why can't mothers and daughters today see eye to eye when it comes to important choices about love, work, children, money, and personal fulfillment? Why does a mother's approval matter so much, even to the most confident and self-possessed daughter? And when daughters choose paths different from their mothers', why is it so painful for the older generation? Making Up with Mom answers these important questions by focusing on three core issues: dating/marriage, career, and child rearing. Relying on interviews with nearly a hundred mothers and daughters, and offering helpful tips from more than two dozen therapists, Julie Halpert and Deborah Carr explore a wide range of communication issues and how to resolve them, so mothers and daughters everywhere can reclaim their loving relationships. This enlightening book is a must-read for all women today. Advance Praise for Making Up with Mom "A sympathetic, helpful, and accurate look at a topic that affects us all and grows more important every day." —Kathleen Gerson, professor of sociology at New York University and author of Hard Choices: How Women Decide About Work, Career, and Motherhood "A well-written, thoughtful book that could help every mother and daughter connect—or reconnect—at a deeper, more fulfilling level." —Alvin Rosenfeld, M.D., coauthor of The Over-Scheduled Child: Avoiding the Hyper-Parenting Trap and lecturer at Harvard Medical School "If Nancy Friday's My Mother, My Self helped a generation of daughters understand their conflicted relationships with their mothers almost thirty years ago, Making Up with Mom may well be the book that helps mothers and daughters today understand both themselves and each other. It is a book I've been waiting for." —Deborah Siegel, Ph.D., author of Sisterhood, Interrupted: From Radical Women to Grrls Gone Wild "Making Up with Mom is a must-read for women who want better relationships with their mothers or daughters (or both!). The book is chock-full of support and good sound advice, culled from the authors' interviews with many women across generations. . . . This practical book considers many of the most important issues that women face, and in so doing it invites the readers, both mothers and daughters, to find ways to relate to each other in healthier and more effective ways. . . . A good, thorough read." —Dr. Dorothy Firman, coauthor of Daughters and Mothers: Making It Work, Chicken Soup for the Mother & Daughter Soul, and Chicken Soup for the Father & Son Soul