Living Shackled

Book excerpt: I was imprisoned by the shackles, and they had characterized an invisible fence around my heart and my mind. The shackles were dominating the cares of my life. There was a lustful power that the shackles were utilizing to keep me entangled in its midst. I couldn't see my way out even if I had tried. I was in complete bondage, and every part of me was shackled to destructive behavior. The shackles were powerful because they had cultivated over time, and they were strong, and there were many of them holding me captive. I was so angry with life and the circumstances that had taken place in my life that I couldn't even begin to learn how to control my behavior. My sanctuary that I had built was full of hatred and destruction. I had started to construct a critical inner voice, and it was like an internal coast that negatively undermined any goals that I started to make that were positive. I started to think that I would never become successful. I started to think that people were all out to get me. I started to criticize everyone that was around me. I found myself always searching for the bad in everyone. The voices in my head were telling me to go ahead and try to kill myself again. This time, I felt that I could make it happen; I would die. I didn't think about my children at all. I felt that they would be better off without me. I had been through too much, and this life didn't mean me any good. Then one day, I go over to my grandmother's house for a barbecue dinner, and the Avon lady was over there, selling my grandmother some bath soaps, and she invites me to church.