English as a Second F*cking Language

Book excerpt: In the English language, swearing is essential to effective communication. In this hilarious and illuminating guide, you will learn just how to do it - no f*cking problem. Whether you want to succeed in business, school, or social circles, a strong command of vocabulary is absolutely necessary. Just imagine a stranger to our shores, trying to comprehend the following conversation: John: Mary, would you like to attend the opera this evening? Mary: F*cking-A. should I wear my black dress? John: Why the f*ck not? Mary: F*cked if I know-Oh, f*ck! I just remembered. It got f*cked up in the wash. John: Well, f*ck the opera. Let's stay home and f*ck. Mary: Good f*cking idea. English as a Second F*cking Language (ESF*L) is the perfect way for nonnative speakers to learn the basics of swearing. At the same time, it also offers native speakers a wide variety of twists and new refinements. Page after page, ESF*L provides a smorgasbord of swearing synonyms designed to boost your vocabulary-everything from the conventional d*mn and sh*t to a host of more inventive terms that would make any truck driver blush. And when you're finished reading, our Final F*cking Exam is the perfect test of your swearing skills. You'll be surprised by how much you've learned! “Great f*cking book!” —Stephen King