When the Naughty Step Makes Things Worse

Book excerpt: Some children just haven't read the parenting books. The harder you try, the worse it gets. There's a hidden contract at the heart of parenting. It's the idea that if parents just get it right, their children can be made to do what they want. Manuals explain how to make it very clear to your children what you want them to do − and how to respond when they don't cooperate. With the right rewards and consequences in place, parents are meant to ensure that their children stay under control. That's Time Out and the Naughty Step (for the little ones) or grounding and withdrawing screen privileges (for the older ones). If that doesn't work, parents are told to be more consistent. But what happens if your child is even more consistent than you? For every so often, along comes a child who hasn't signed the contract. They don't buy in. When they are put on the Naughty Step, they refuse point blank to stay there. Promises of stickers and rewards get you nowhere at all. Take their iPad away and they say, 'Fine, but I'm still not doing that'. These are the children who rip up the rule book. Their parents are left floundering. The more they try to bring their children under control, the clearer it is that they aren't haven't any of it. The firmer the boundaries, the worse their behaviour becomes. Things can go downhill fast. This down-to-earth, illustrated guide is for parents who need something different. It's for those who are fighting battles where they didn't know battles could be fought. It's for those who suspect that what they are doing isn't helping - but they don't know what else to do. It's for families who need a better way to live and who want their children (and themselves) to thrive.