The Grimpebbet Almanac

Book excerpt: Dear Reader: This book will change your life when you read it, and might even induce you to send money to its creator. You've already picked up this book, and if you're reading the back cover, you must know that you are in the Celebrated Few who can spot great literature at a glance. Read this book, learn about everything mystical, magical and rewarding there possibly is. There are many dumb asses walking the earth, you know this. The Grimpebbet Almanac isn't for them. But you know. And so do we. Folks who read books are smarter than folks who don't, that's a mathematical certainty. Read this book and find out secrets that will change your life. There's no reason to let the dumb asses in on it--not just yet. They don't, after all, have much money. And the great wisdom in this book would be lost on them. The mere fact that you picked a book off a shelf indicates that you are far and above the...unfortunates. Buy this book and read it, or something very disturbing and wrong must be going on in your life. You pay money for dog food; you must pay money for a book this epic and life-changing. You're smart enough to buy and read the Grimpebbet Almanac. It is a beacon of light in a sea of dumb asses. --J.D. Baghead, Esquire.