Straight from the Horse's Ass

Book excerpt: A Kiwi cowboy and his stubborn horse (nicknamed ‘Goddammityou-sonavabitch’) ride through America. Here’s how an ‘averagely dumb city-slicker’ looking for something to do on his summer holiday saw Dances With Wolves and was seduced by the lure of the West. Together with a small stubborn horse rescued from a career in the Belgian sausage industry, he travelled 3500 miles down the Rocky Mountains from Canada to Mexico. When Lee Hughes began, he didn’t know how to ride, and his horse, Spice (also known by his Indian name of ‘Goddammityou-sonavabitch’), wasn’t giving lessons either. Their relationship wasn’t exactly a partnership, more of an armed truce, but nevertheless they crossed rivers and deserts, mountains and plains, dodged buffalo and bears, moose and mountain lions, met policemen and preachers, cowboys and Indians, Democrats and all manner of respectable folk as well. They made it to Mexico only nine months late. Bones were broken, six-guns roared in anger and quicksands were explored the hard way. There were feasts, famines and some world-class drinking. Good deeds were done and dark ones concealed. And a good horse died. Around wintertime Lee and Spice bluffed their way on to a ranch and played at being a cowboy and a cowpony. 7000 cattle went along with the joke until summer, and then they headed south again, saddlebags bulging with rolled oats, baked beans and Cheez Whiz. What started out as just a summer holiday, grew until it filled a year with excitement and laughter, panic and peril and, ultimately, became this ‘mostly true story without too many lies or bits left out’.