Torn From the Inside Out

Book excerpt: Extreme Abuse Memoir Malignant, Psychopathic, Narcissists create warped tools of manipulation and control skillfully gathered from the wreckage of their own childhoods, which they will use to sadistically torture and destroy you. A violent abuser will win at all costs, for what they eventually can no longer control, they seek to destroy. The legacy of such darkness is chaos and despair, and too often death. In 1973, when only sixteen years old and freshly baptized as a Jehovah’s Witness, Sara Niles married such a man in the visage of Thomas Niles. The ‘Mask of Sanity’ which he wore, hung loosely, for the least disruption revealed the evil behind the mask. The surreal world of love and horror, of elation and heart-breaking despair capable of crushing hopes and dreams, is a pain that tears the soul “From the Inside Out.’ Malicious Abusers will break not only bones of their victims, but their spirit over time, in a horrific attempt to dominate and control every facet of their victims’ lives. The nightmare that began in 1973 lasted almost fifteen years; but it did not start there. Arkansas, 1960 On a sunny morning, a white haired, eighty-year-old man, walked up a steep hill deep in the countryside of Southern Arkansas, and walked away with a three- and one-half year old, little dirty girl-child, riding high atop his shoulders, holding tightly onto the old man’s bald head. The little girl was scared, hungry, as always, and she had no idea of the home she was going to. The little girl had been given away by her biological mother to an elderly Great-uncle, the brother of her maternal grandmother. That little girl was Me, Sara Niles. I lived a fairytale life on 'the Flower Bed of Eden', at least, that is how it all began. Fast Forward February 13, 1987 "I am going to kill you DEAD!', screamed my husband and father of my five children, Thomas Niles, as I flew down the stairs of the townhouse, two steps at a time, running for my life. Domestic Violence homicide had taken the lives of two local ladies that I knew well, only a few years earlier, murdered by their long-time husbands, each much like mine. I was about to suffer the same fate. I was going to die that night, I knew it, as the thunder storm raged outside, a worse storm raged inside Every life carries a tale, a backstory of origins, choices, successes, and failures; for a life is no small thing to live, some lives are smooth like paved roads, while others are bumpy and fraught with danger. An unconventional life, one without the prerequisite cushions of predictability and stability, is especially fraught with dangers, as was mine. The crisis created by unforeseeable events and circumstances, as biblically stated, “Time and unforeseen occurrences befall them all,” befell me more times than I could count. I lived a dangerous life with a dangerous, barely escaping with my life. Sara Niles From the Garden of Eden straight into 'Hell' In 1973, Sara married Thomas Niles, which negatively altered the outcome of Sara Nile's life. Saved from trauma as a child, nurtured, and trained in sound moral principles by loving relatives, nothing prepared Sara for life with Thomas Niles. The Fairy-tale wedding in a Jehovah's Witness Kingdom hall packed to the four walls, soon became a prolonged nightmare in which the hopes and dreams of a talented child, were singularly shelved in favor of survival. The Storm that ignited as an innocent marriage before man and God, would last awhile, because unbeknown to Sara, she had married a monster in disguise. I am a different Sara Niles, than the young girl of my long-gone youth; I have the insight young Sara never had, and I am much wiser and stronger than the infatuated young girl that I once was. I will be your narrator as you journey with me across time and space, back to where it all began.