Divorce Reality Check

Book excerpt: Your marriage is irretrievably broken, and life as you know it is unraveling fast. You feel overwhelmed and confused by the well-intentioned (but let's face it, often clueless) advice of your friends and family. Does your lawyer's strategy alarm you instead of calm you down? Does the light at the end of the tunnel seem farther and farther away? You are not alone. In fact, you sound like a lot of the men and women who walk into my law office every day. But don't despair. You have come to the right place to find some straight talk about the legal process and the steps you should take to regain your equilibrium and be smarter about your split. Like most people facing the demise of their marriage, you might feel like your world has turned completely upside down. Uncertainty and unease about the future, and your children's future, may cause you to lose sleep. You may fear being taken for every dime by your vengeful and hell-bent spouse. You may fear losing rights to your most precious assets: your children. You might be intimidated by your spouse, or his lawyer, and maybe even your own lawyer. Still, at a time when your family and financial life are falling apart, it is critical that you take control, and make sound decisions that will affect the rest of your future. But how? Let's break it down. After you get over the emotional hurdles -- a process that is unique to every individual and every relationship -- there are three main legal categories to address, namely: I. Custody; II. Support; and III. Asset Distribution. Each of these areas must be fully resolved in writing -- by settlement agreement or court order -- before you can move on with your life. Easier said than done to be sure, but take heart. In your hands, you have a GPS to navigate the rocky terrain in the months ahead. You will learn how and why the high road is the best road. The organizing tools, lists and 'reality checks' in these pages will help you obtain tangible results and a clearer path. I will coach you with strategies to help you deal with your ex, and provide you with talking points for your meetings with your lawyer. I know that you are at an important crossroads in your life. I encourage you to read this entire book, and be open minded about the possibility of a civilized and uncomplicated break up. Just as I do with my clients, I am rooting for you to move on with your life, and to avoid self-destructive and sabotaging behaviors. I urge you to avoid a victim mentality, especially because all that it will get you is an invite to an everlasting 'pity party'. (Author's Note: This book is not going to change your life. You have to do that on your own.) My first objective for you? To calm you and encourage you to think rationally, not emotionally, about your divorce. To begin and strengthen habits of successful financial planning and smooth co-parenting (even when your ex does not necessarily cooperate). Your new mantra starting today? Repeat The Three C's after me: Civility, Clarity, Common sense. If, on the other hand, you are feeling angry and vindictive, go find a "shark" lawyer to lead you into Armageddon (and empty your pockets), because this book is not for you. Are you willing to accept some tough love from an expert that has helped thousands of clients move forward with their lives? If so, keep reading!