Man Talk

Book excerpt: Learn to recognize and resolve communication problems common to gay male relationships Man Talk presents effective techniques to help gay couples communicate better on the way to enjoying a fulfilling relationship. This practical guide from the author of Affirmative Gay Relationships examines common problems that create communication difficulties and offers straightforward, easy-to-use strategies for understanding feelings, resolving arguments, expressing anger, understanding nonverbal communication, improving listening skills, expressing love and appreciation, and dealing with issues specific to interracial and intercultural relationships. Man Talk explores areas very well known to gay men, such as competition, the need to “win” arguments, and uncertainty about how to handle anger. Written by a licensed clinical social worker, this unique book avoids clinical jargon in presenting the thoughts of gay men in multiple, detailed vignettes that illustrate effective—and ineffective—communication. This practical guide provides proven methods of avoiding communication “destroyers,” hidden agendas, the need to be “right,” and disagreements that become “courtroom” battles, and offers effective ways of saying what you really mean, listening to your partner, dealing with uncomfortable subjects (like sex and money), and recognizing that there are many levels of communication (body movement, silence, voice inflection, etc.) that will significantly impact the quality of interaction between two men. Topics examined in Man Talk include: understanding what effective communication is—and why it’s so important how major misunderstandings can develop—and how to avoid them how communication can be destroyed—and how to prevent it from happening understanding the nature of anger and learning how to manage it understanding male socialization that teaches men to be “in control” learning how to relinquish the need to be in control all of the time how men can “let go” and become aware of, accept, and communicate their feelings learning how to listen—and not preach how to identify and deal with a relationship that’s in trouble how to communicate appreciation, care and love and much more! Man Talk is a must-read for all gay men interested in relationships—past, present, and future. It’s also an essential professional guide for therapists who work with gay men and for concerned friends of gay men who want to help.