The Sinner's Guide to the Evangelical Right

Book excerpt: Get to know “The Base” with the author of The Hipster Handbook, acclaimed by the secular elitist New York Times as “thoroughly entertaining.” Gay-friendly cappuccino drinkers may not be attuned to the nuances of conservative evangelical culture, from bibles designed to look like glossy fashion magazines to mega-churches with ATMs, rock climbing walls, and in one case, a drive-thru McDonalds. But Robert Lanham has his roots in the Bible Belt, and has compiled a handy guide to the evangelical right for those of us who can expect to be left behind in the End of Days. Find out how today’s evangelical leaders rank on the Fire and Brimstone Scale. Learn how to fit in at the church picnic with the most current evangelical slang. Meet real-life evangelicals, like Adrianne, a lesbian against gay marriage, and Ted Haggard, a mega-church pastor who speaks in tongues, not to mention with George Bush every Monday. Understand how this segment of the population came to have its own radio stations, its own nightclubs, its own news media, and its own president. Visit Colorado Springs—the “evangelical Vatican.” Discover why rock n’ roll can bring wayward souls to the light, but SpongeBob SquarePants is an agent of the Devil. And find out why even a growing number of evangelicals consider themselves Outsiders to the Evangelical Right.